Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
