I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize