my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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