They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
