Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
