I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
