Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
