If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
