I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
