The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
