I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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