Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
