Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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