we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
