guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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