Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
