Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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