we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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