do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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