don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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