he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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