Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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