My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
