I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
