y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
