I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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