he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm at about main and main street
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
