She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
