I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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