If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
