Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
