You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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