HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i out mim tonsoeep
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