We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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