Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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