Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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