I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize