yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
