Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
