We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
