yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
