Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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