I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
