I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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