i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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