I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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