apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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