i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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