dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
