I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My ass is underappreciated
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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