it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize