Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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