the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
