other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
