Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
