dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
