hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
