First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize