saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
