Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize