you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
