I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
