i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
