Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
