you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
