No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
