farters have to be the big spoon...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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