Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
