TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
