Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
