we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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