I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
