but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
