Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
