my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
