You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
